I don't know how to say this in anyway that's neat or clean. So I'll ramble. Hell, these are just a mash of random notes. And, well, I don't care. It's too broad to sharpen into a precise idea.

Ego is at the heart of so much of the pain we cause.

Think of a fight, any fight of any scale. Why doesn't reason step in? Why do we lose our senses? So often, if not always, it's to spare our ego a bruise or two. We do it to make ourselves look stronger, smarter... just better for that moment.

Why do we attack others? We degrade, shame those near us. If someone shows an aspect we consider weak, we expose it, attack it. And it has nothing to do with the victim. They're a tool to alleviate our own feelings of lowliness.

If this is obvious... why does it continue? If you know it's pointless and hurtful, why do you continue? Do you have a reason? Or is it simply an emotional fetish?

A phrase comes to mind every time someone commits to petty dominance: spreading the misery.

No matter the purpose in mind, it's all aggression ever really does. And, it is obvious, we wash our hell over others merely so we can feel better about ourselves.

But why feel stronger... better? What is there to prove? Who are you proving it to? Is it because someone else made you feel small? Why is their cruelty your problem?

Cruelty is mark against the attacker, not the victim. It doesn't matter if it's a crime or a plain old argument.

Think about it. If cultural progress is based on the growth of our humanity - through condemning genocide, racism, sexism and the like - why would an insult be okay? Modern civilization: now with 80% less persecution.

And, by the way, calling somebody a racist, sexist and the like is an insult and no different than anything else I'm talking about. You're attacking someone. Nine times out of ten you're doing it just to prop yourself up.

But I'm not attacking you. Though I'm assuming much. I'm trying to provoke you to look in the mirror. It's never about your victim, it's about you. It's never about you, it's about your attacker. Stop feeling hurt or victorious. Think. Break it down and ask "why?" What's behind it all? What's behind the people involved? What's behind you?

Start with the last. Start with yourself.

It's not the answers that help, though you'll find many. It's the process of reasoning that saves. And I'm not asking you to detach from your emotions, or even rise above them. Just understand why you're feeling them. Overtime, you might realize that it's your pain, not the event that caused them, that is doing the most damage. That your feelings have ultimately distorted reality far, far too much. That you are ripe and ready to spread your own misery for practically no reason at all.

Who we are dies away but the world we create lives forever. How many ancient Egyptians do you remember, but how about Egypt? How about Vikings, Zulus, feudal Japan to name some? How many people do you remember compared to cultures? Honestly, the word "SHIT" has survived more than the people who lived in the era of its inception.

It won't be who you are, but how you live that remains in the collective history of our culture. In a way, it's something that's guaranteed the moment you're born.

There's nothing to win. It isn't a game. It's just life. Live it. What you gain can't be taken with you. History remembers only a few and their lives are so fogged in myth, they might as well not have been real anyhow. Or, the actual facts have tarnished their legend so much, they've become a joke. Or, still, they sacrificed so much for a right cause that their lives were ruined or destroyed (Something selfless people are willing to do and selfish people are hoping to do.)

Live. Don't worry. We put so much stress into such transient fears and never count its hurt for worth.

We create our killers through our victims.

When everyone wants to be great, they'll trivialize and condemn everyone else to feel their grandeur. In the end, all it achieves is the mass commitment to spread the misery. And sometimes - for those who internalize to the point of madness, or for those who place grandeur above even the most basic morality - it will lead to murder.

Happiness is not a goal. It's a state of mind.

Being embarrassed is a waste of time.

And, if someone wants to hate you, they will, doesn't matter what you do. It's their problem, not yours. Then, look in the mirror, maybe their hatred is your delusion. (That's something I saw in my own mirror.)

A little more personal apathy would go a long way to public empathy.

Click Here

Click Here Click Here






Gallery|Exterminators|God Dog|Sober|Revelations Theatre 3000

Gate|Home|About it|Contact|résumé|Merchandise

Links|Banner Collection|Baradam Banners|Networks:Webrings

© all rights reserved, artwork/screenplays/comics/writings displayed on this site, www.baradam.com, E Felter 2003.
This website was posted on 2/10/05