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Revelations Theatre 3000
FIGHTING ABSURDITY WITH ABSURDITY
Introduction
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Well, Revelations is a magical story: filled with symbols that don't act
like symbols, Jesus with his many eyes and horns, confused horsemen, and
an ever dying and regenerating world.
It is, in fact, the end of the world... sort of. Or, better, its vindictive, violent transformation into a Christian friendly world. It's Jesus kids getting the last laugh and getting in the last "f-you" to the secular world. In history, it's John writing a wish in seeing the downfall of Nero (or, at least, that is what's speculated by some.)
The funny part is, in all the commentary and stories I've seen, it's rarely, if ever, interpreted as a whole. It seems to be continually referenced out of context.
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For example: people (Christians), from time to time, murmur about that mark of the beast, 666. As soon as RFID's started popping up (Radio Frequency IDentification), chatter began about 666 computer chips getting under people's skin.
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The problem with this idea is that "the mark" is introduced in REV 13:16,
"He required everyone - great and small, rich and poor, slave and free -
to be given a mark on the right hand or on the forehead."
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This is well after REV 6:13, "Then the stars of sky fell to the earth like green figs. And the sky was rolled up like a scroll and taken away. And all the mountains and all the islands disappeared. Then the kings, rulers, generals, wealthy and every slave and free person - all hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains."
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Long before the "mark of the beast" happens, the surface of the earth is decimated and we're all living subterranean. The "mark" is not around the corner. Lots and lots of big things have to happen first.
So if anyone starts going on and on about some new bit of technology equating to the "mark." Get an umbrella and buy real estate within Laurel Caverns. Cause, if the "mark" is coming in the next few years, worse is coming in the next few days.
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As with the "mark," many parts of Revelations are removed from the whole and interpreted individually with the actual timeline of Revelations being ignored.
This is why I have included a simplified Revelations at the end to function as an actual timeline. If anything else, it should provide an easy reference for the fairly lengthy text.
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A few more notes before starting....
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Symbols....
I'm certain it is obvious to everyone that symbols are subjective. I'll go one step further and say we agree that since symbols are subjective, they have as many meanings as there are people. This would be about six billion.
If a symbol has six billion meanings, does that not ultimately make it meaningless? It is not a play on words. If meaning is supposed to be solid enough to guide people's lives, how can it if it's as malleable as six billion variations?
Symbols, by their nature, are cryptic and vague. In deciphering a possible world outcome, they are useless by the very fact that too many interpretations can be drawn from them.
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The Scope...
This is a light analysis of Revelations only. I will not delve into the monstrous body of interpretations that have developed over the centuries. My criticism revolves solely around the body of text and how it relates to itself (though mainly just having fun with it.)
If you want to duke it out with a horde of speculations as to what Revelation means, great but do it with another sparing partner. Write to me about how the biblical end relates to real life and I will never write you back. I will barely read it and purely for my own amusement.
Why? Because only in religion and Star Wars do creative guesses ever become facts and conclusions. Yet, unfortunately, just one is for entertainment purposes only.
Well... Give it a couple of decades.
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Finally...
I am drawing from the modern Tyndale Charitable Trust translation: the "Holy Bible, New Living Translation." Not the King James... For anyone who considers James the know-it-all, stop reading... now!
And if my writing style ever comes off as confusing, remember, Revelations is no better. So, stick and stones may break my bones but you'll burn in hell forever and ever if you criticize this book. There.
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