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Revelations Theatre 3000
FIGHTING ABSURDITY WITH ABSURDITY
5
THE BEAST
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REV 13
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REV 13:1
"I saw a beast rising out of the sea. It had seven heads and
ten horns, with ten crowns on its horns. And written on each
head were names that blasphemed God. This beast looked like
a leopard, but it had bear's feet and a lion's mouth! And
the dragon gave him his own power and throne and great
authority."
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12 One of the heads was wounded beyond recovery then was miraculously healed. The world marveled and worshiped the dragon for this miracle. 2 They exclaimed, "Is there anyone as great as the beast? Who will fight against him?"
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Oh, you know who...
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3 Now, first and foremost, the beast speaks blasphemies against God. Eventually he'll get to killing people and world domination. But, for starters, he slanders God and heaven and its people.
4 Then he's allowed to wage war against God's Holy People (the ones who missed the boat during the Great Tribulation. REV 7:9.) And he's allowed to rule every nation and tribe. 5 Those who belong to the world will worship the beast.
A second beast rises with 2 horns (that's a 2nd 2 for a 2nd beast. Oh, the connections....)
6 He requires the world to worship the first beast, make a statue of him, give the statue life even. The statue speaks, declaring that all refusing to worship it must die.
7 It is then made that everyone must have a mark on them: hand or forehead. No one could buy or sell with out it. The number is 666... or 616 depending on the manuscript.
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This is why every Revelation nut loves the beast. There's the start of a good story here.
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Then it's REV 14...
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13 It starts okay, 144,000 God marked with the Lamb, pure white robes and elusive songs... very divine.
2 Then come 3 angels. 3? What happened to 7 or 2 or 4 or 10? Why 3 now? Doesn't really matter.
3 First Angel brought the good news: "Fear God or die."
4 Second Angel declares that Babylon has fallen.
Why Babylon all the sudden? Why not Babylon all the sudden?
Doesn't matter, the angel is joking. Babylon hasn't fallen yet.
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5 Third Angel declares that anyone who worships the beast will suffer God's wrath.
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His wrath comes in many forms, items if you will. Such as: God's cup of wrath, God's wine of wrath. Just you wait. God's WrathMart has so many more products for sale.
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6 But the idea is all who have harmed Christians will get theirs.
7 Still, fairly typical... though going off track again.
"Then I saw a man sitting on a white cloud. He had a gold crown and a sharp sickle." (REV 14:14) An angle calls him to use the sickle and the man harvests the whole earth.
I suppose those who missed Great Tribulation #1.
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8 Another angel arrives with another sickle and is commanded, by an angel who can destroy the earth with fire, to harvest those ripe for judgment. 9 Which, of course, the angel does, dumping those collected into the Great Winepress of God's Wrath.
(Part of the Blue Light Special of God's WrathMart.)
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"And the grapes were trodden in the winepress outside the city, and blood flowed from the winepress in a stream about 180 miles (1600 stadia) long and as high as a horse's bridle." (REV 14:20)
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10 What? Wh... What city? Babylon? It isn't the end but everybody's judge? And you think it be a symbol, but of what? And since when do symbols have measurements? 11 Generally, if you give it measurements, you think it's real.
REV 13 was going great with everybody's favorite end time characters. But now it's all boiled down to God stomping heathens outside "the city" in his special blue light people crusher.
12 It's okay. That's fine. Just forget about this part of REV 14. Because, as it seems, it's got nothing to do with REV 15 either!!!
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